Boondock Saints in Fifteen Minutes
by Cake or Death
Summary: A quick, humorous, scripted playbyplay of the movie we're all infatuated with.
1. Chapter 1

AN: The Boondock Saints and all affiliated actors, directors, writers, catering, etc is all © of whatever company and year and are in no way endorsed by yours truly. This story has humorous intent only, the end.

THE BOONDOCK SAINTS IN FIFTEEN MINUTES

_The film opens in a church. There is a big important church dude giving a big important sermon thing, and when everyone sits back in their pews we see two exceedingly attractive dudes in black coats, kneeling. They rise, walk to the altar and pray there._

Big Important Church Dude: Wtf?

Another Church dude: Chill, it's cool. They do this all the time.

_The two exceedingly attractive dudes in black coats get up, kiss the feet of Jesus, and walk out of the church._

Another Big Important Church Dude: There are two kids of evil: evil-evil, and indifferent evil.

Two Exceedingly Attractive Dudes in Black Coats: ((Light up outside the church, because there's totally nothing wrong with that))

Taller Dude: I hate evil.

Shorter Dude: I'm Irish.

Irish Music: WHEEEEEEEEEE! OPENING CREDITS!

_There is a montage. We see Taller Dude ((Connor MacManus)) and Shorter Dude ((Murphy MacManus)) working in a meatpacking plant, goofing off, and getting in a fistfight with a girl who may or may not actually be a girl because of her tattoos, multiple facial piercings and intimidating size. Like, she could totally eat Murphy with no problem._

We learn its St Patty's Day, and the two brothers, Connor and Murphy, are hanging out in a bar with lots of other Irish dudes and its cool. An Italian dude comes in and everyone should be like, WTF? But its cool cause he's with the two brothers and the party continues.

Bartender: They're closing down my bar. FUCK! ASS!

Guys at the Bar: Aww, that sucks.

Russian Mob Dudes: Hello everyone! We're here! So, everybody get out except for the bartender.

Guys at the Bar: It's St. Patty's Day! Have a drink!

Russian Mob Dudes: If you don't get out, we'll make you get out.

Guys at the Bar: Umm, I think not?

_Quick, unexplained scene cut to the next morning. We're in an alley and there are two huge guys dead on the ground: one with a bandage on his head and the other with a bandage on his ass. We all giggle. There are two cops standing watching a third cop explain what happened._

Greenly: Okay, so like, picture this: these guys are coming home drunk from the bar and this **huge guy** comes out of the alley, kicks their asses, and books off with their cash. What do you guys think?

Two Other Cops: ((Shakes heads))

_Ass-kicking music comes on as we watch Willem Dafoe ((whose name shall be "Paul Smecker" for this film, but whatever cause we all know him as Willem Dafoe)), looking extraordinarily flamboyant, step out of a cop car and approach the scene._

Greenly: Wtf? Who are you?

Smecker: ((Shows badge)) I'm with the FBI, darling.

Cop: These two victims have connections with the Russian Mob. That makes this a federal case. We have Agent Smecker, as flamboyant as he is, to take care of this.

Smecker: Okay, your theory sucks. Go get me coffee. Listen, these details are important: café latté, twist of lemon, Sweet n Low.

Greenly: OKAY WTF! ((Storms off))

Smecker: ((Puts on headphones. It's totally Italian Opera. He begins to conduct in midair and all the other cops are like, this dude is totally crazy. He puts red stuff on one of the dead guys' hands, and walks around looking at bullet holes in respective dumpsters and brick walls. He comes back to talk to the cops and the music stops)) Okay. This is going to come out of nowhere to everyone, but I'm a flamboyant genius, so listen up; check these buildings to see if there's any water leaking, look for bullet casings, find me bits of a kitchen sink, and where is my café latté?

Cops: ((Rush about and do His Majesty's bidding))

Smecker: I'm totally not going to tell you what I'm thinking, but god doesn't my hair give it away that I'm a flamer?

Cop: There is a lady on the fourth floor complaining that she has water leaking down her ceiling.

Smecker: Quick, Robin! To the fifth floor!

The Audience: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!

_Scene cut to a hospital. We see the Connor and Murphy being hot in just their grimy, grey bathrobes and combat boots, and they're playing hand games with a bald kid wrapped in a sheet. And there's totally nothing subtly implied here._

Bartender: ((Walks in)) Hey guys, what the- FUCK! ASS!

Murphy: Control your tourettes, dude. 

Bartender: What's going on, guys? This detective came by the bar and- FUCK! ASS! -asked about the two of you. I didn't tell him anything, but the way he talked about you made it sound like you weren't being charged with anything.

Connor: We should turn ourselves in, and totally not get dressed before we go.

The Audience: Sounds awesome!

Connor: Bartender, could you do us a favor, please?

Bartender: FUCK! ASS! Anything.

Connor: ((Hands him a Macy's shopping bag)) Hold on to this for us, please?

Bartender: No problem. FUCK! ASS!

_Scene cut to Police Station._

Smecker: Okay, these guys aren't superheroes, so stop telling the press. They're just ordinary guys.

Greenly: Good luck finding them, though. There's nothing on the computer about them and they're probably miles away by now.

Connor and Murphy: ((Walk in through the Police Station door))

Smecker: HAHAA! You're p0wned! Get me a bagel.

_Scene cut to intimate Police Interrogation room. Smecker sits on one side, a tape recorder in one hand, while Connor and Murphy sit on the other side munching on bagels._

Smecker: So guys, what happened?

FLASHBAAAAAAAAAACK!

_Scene cut back to the bar last night where all the party-crashing Russian Mob Dudes were trying to ruin St. Patty's Day. A bar fight breaks out. We watch as the Irish twins kick the Russian Mob Dudes' asses._

Scene cut to the morning after, and Connor and Murphy are sitting on matching mattresses on the floor of their apartment in just bathrobes and combat boots ((because so many cool kids sleep in combat boots?)). Just then, two Russian Mob Dudes come in and start screaming. They handcuff Connor to the toilet ((ew?)) and hold a gun to Murphy's head.

Russian Mob Dude: I thought I was going to kill you, but I think I'll kill your brother instead. Hahaa.

_They drag Murphy away. Connor is pissed. In amazing feats of strength, he pulls the toilet out of the floor and water spews everywhere._

The Audience: Oooooooh. THAT'S where all the water came from.

_Connor carries the toilet onto the roof of the building. Down below in the alley, Murphy is on his knees with a gun to his head. Connor drops the toilet and jumps off the building. It's, like, eight stories high, but whatever. The toilet lands directly on the Russian Mob Dude's head, and Connor lands directly on the other Russian Mob Dude's head. Cause that kind of stuff totally happens in real life, I guess? One bullet is accidentally fired into the dumpster, and the other goes forward into the brick wall._

Murphy: ((Gets up and makes sure Connor is okay))

Connor: ((Is totally passed out, cause its not a good idea to jump off eight story buildings))

Murphy: ((Gets the guns and money off the two Russian Mob Dudes, puts them in a Macy's shopping bag, picks up his brother, and carries him off))

END FLASHBAAAAAAAAAACK!

Smecker: That's incredible.

Murphy: You think that's amazing? Check this: ((Speaks in French))

Connor: ((Replies in Italian))

Smecker: What other languages do you speak?

Murphy: ((German))

Connor: ((Spanish))

Smecker: Sexy.

Cop: ((Walks in)) The Press wants to talk to Connor and Murphy.

Connor: Absolutely not.

Murphy: And no pictures either, even though we're hot.

Connor: Could we stay the night here, actually?

Cop: Yeah, that's fine.

Smecker: ((Is totally flamboyant)) Time to go talk to the press.

Head Cop: ((Is addressing the press)) The MacManus Brothers' case is clearly self-defense and they aren't being charged.

Italian Dude from Last Night: ((Sneaks into the Police Station. He's carrying bundles of clothes and brings them to the brothers who attack him with hugs, cause they're best mates or something))

_Scene cut to that night. Water is dripping into the cell where Connor and Murphy sleep. Deep voices ricochet off walls. This is totally normal for prison cells in Boston._

Connor: ((Is totally shirtless and now wet, and sits up in bed with a gasp))

Murphy: ((Is also totally shirtless and now wet, and does the same thing))

The Ominous Voice: ((Keeps mumbling about evil and shit))

Connor and Murphy: ((Look at each other with their mouths open))

All Girls In The Audience: YES!

_It is the next morning. The brothers sit up in bed at look at each other._

Connor: ((Telepathically)) I'm hot.

Murphy: ((Telepathically)) I'm hotter.

Russian Mob Dude's Pager: BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

Connor: ((Takes the pager to a pay phone. Calls the number. A Russian voice answers and gives quick, Russian directions which Connor writes down, cause he totally speaks Russian.))

Scene cut to Italian guy from bar ((whose name is Rocco, just to let you know)) walking into a room greeted by the most renowned porn star ever. They sit down in front of a desk where a balding Italian ((boss)) sits quietly on the phone.

Porn Star: So, you're the funny man?

Rocco: Fuck off.

Yakavetti Boss: ((Starts yelling Italian obscenities into the phone, then hangs up.)) Wtf. I hate the 90's. ((Looks at Rocco)) Tell me a joke, bitch.

Rocco: …Uh. Um. Okay, so…

Yakavetti Boss: Out with it, hurry.

Rocco: ((Studders out a very racist joke))

Yakavetti Boss: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA.

Porn Star: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA.

Rocco: ((Smile))_  
_  
_Scene cut to Irish Artillery Hold. A dude in a beret hands them two pseudo-shopping bags and tells them to have fun as he switches on a light. The brothers walk, in awe, into a room laden with every. Gun. Known. To. Man. …Maybe. _

Connor: That's hot.

_Montage time! Connor and Murphy walk over a bridge. They walk down a street. They walk into a hotel. They get into an elevator. _

Murphy: You mean to tell me we were in that room with all those weapons, and all we walked away with were twin handguns, a knife, and a rope?

Connor: Shut it up! We're going in through the vents!

Murphy: ((Rolls eyes))

_Scene cut to Smecker in bed with a naked Asian Dude._

Everyone In The Audience: OKAY WHAT THE FUCK I'M TOTALLY NOT DOWN WITH GAY SCENES!

Smecker: ((Answers Phone)) What? …Oh. …How many bodies? …Okay. ((Smacks Asian. Hangs up phone)) What the fuck are you doing?

Asian: Cuddling!

Smecker: You're a fag.

The Audience: …And you're not?

_Scene cut to a huge white room covered in blood. There are nine bodies, all of which poised like vampires with coins over their eyes. This is kinda weird._

Smecker: Okay, so. There are nine bodies, and the target is the big guy in the middle. Cause he's missing half his face. Watch me piece together this murder as everyone watches it in a flashback:

FLASHBAAAAAAAAAACK!

Connor: Quick, through the vent in the elevator shaft!

Murphy: Who are you, James Bond?

Connor: Aw shit, I'm lost.

Murphy: You're fucking rope is heavy.

Connor: Shut up!

Murphy: You shut up!

Connor: I'm telling Mom!

_They get into a fight. We see, in the room below, a whole bunch of Russian guys sitting in a circle and a really fat Russian guy talking to all of them, looking kinda pissed. We hear a crack._

Murphy: Oh shit.

Connor: Oh fuck.

The Vent Shaft: Bye bye!

_Connor and Murphy fall through the ceiling into the room with all the Russian guys. The rope is tangled around them and is suspending them, upside down, from the ceiling. They quickly draw their guns and kill everyone. It's sweet._

The Big Russian Guy: ((Is on his knees, and Connor and Murphy are behind him. This, in no way, implies anything sensual.))

Connor and Murphy: ((Recite a badass prayer, then together shoot him in the back of the head))

_The brothers position everyone with their arms crossed over their chest for the whole Dracula effect, then put coins over their eyes. Cause that's not creepy at all._

Connor: Lookit, what's in that case over there?

Murphy: Holycrap look at all this cash. It smells good.

Connor: Unlike you, cause you don't shower.

Murphy: Shut up, I'm still hot.

_There is a knock on the door. The brothers put their black ski masks back on and look through the peep hole._

Connor: Look! It's Rocco!

_We see Rocco dressed up in a bellboy getup pushing a food cart._

Connor: We've got to fuck with him.

Murphy: Okay!

_They start screaming and acting scary, pull Rocco in by the hair, throw him on the floor near all the dead guys, and start screaming questions._

Rocco: No! No! I'm with you guys! Shit! I'm Rocco! I'm the funny man!

Murphy: ((Pretending to be angry)) Wtf! Liar!

Rocco: No! No! Whoa! I'm with you guys!

Connor: ((Pretending to be angry)) We have to do him, right here, right now!

Rocco: ((Whimpers)) Please nooooooo!

Connor and Murphy: ((Pull off masks, laughing hysterically))

END FLASHBAAAAAAAAAACK!

Smecker: This could be the start of the first international mob war. And I know that cause I'm a genius. I'm also a flamer.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Hola. I realize formatting from Part 1 of this story was craaaaaaaap, and I'm sorry; it looked awesome in Microsoft Word. I'll try to do something different and a little bit more understandable.

THE BOONDOCK SAINTS IN FIFTEEN MINUTES PART TWO

_Back at Rocco's apartment, post-Russian Boss Assassination._

Rocco: So, you're telling me you're just going to kill the people you think are evil?

Connor: Oh dude, hells yes.

Rocco: That's cool.

_And Connor, Murphy and Rocco sit around Rocco's dining room table. They talk, eat pizza, smoke, drink liquor, play Nintendo, molest Rocco's cat, there is intense sexual frustration between all of them…_

Rocco: I hate working for my boss. I should work with you guys. You're much hotter.

Connor: Damn straight.

Murphy: I used to be a Prada model.

Rocco's Cat: Meow.

Rocco: Yeah, I think I'm going to tell my boss to suck my dick.

Rocco's Cat: Meow.

Rocco: ((Hits table with his fists))

Rocco's gun: ((Goes off))

Rocco's Cat: ((Goes all over the wall))

This: ((Is the funniest scene in the whole movie.))

Everyone: OHMYFUCKINGGODWHATTHEFUCKWASTHAT?

Rocco: Is it dead?

Everyone: Did he really just ask that?

_It is the next morning. Connor is having a conversation and a cigarette with Rocco._

Connor: They sent you into that room to kill nine people with six bullets. You don't think…?

Rocco: Nah, my boss wouldn't do that.

Murphy: ((Comes down)) Can you even do math?

Rocco: Shut up! I'm going to go kill those bastards! ((Walks off))

_Many hours later, Rocco comes running back to the apartment. _

Rocco: HOLY SHIT WE GOTTA GO! MY GIRLFRIEND SUCKS, I KILLED TWO GUYS IN BROAD DAYLIGHT AND WE NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE TO PREVENT A PLOT DEAD END!

Murphy: Aiight, dude.

_They drive up to what is OBVIOUSLY an "adult entertainment location". _

Rocco: We need to kill the guy who sold me out.

Connor: Why?

Rocco: Cause I know everything. **We could kill everybody**.

Connor: That's pretty sweet.

_Okay. So it's late at night now. Porn Star guy gets out of the car at this OBVIOUS "adult entertainment location". By some miracle, three large men in dark coats get into the back dressing room with no trouble and leap into the "entertainment" room. There are parallel flashbacks to when the Saints do their little shindig and when Smecker pieces it together two hours later._

Rocco: Holy shit, this room is pink.

Connor and Murphy: ((Take out the Porn Star Guy))

The dancer: ((Passes out))

Her Boob: ((Is the biggest on-screen boob you have EVER SEEN.))

Rocco: Holy shit, this room is pink.Smecker: So they came in, popped a cap in this one guy's ass, then took out two other dudes. Why?

Greenly: I'm getting smarter, I swear. They were all bad guys! Bwaha!

Smecker: Hmm. Perhaps.

Rocco: Holy shit, this room is pink.

Connor: Okay, we're leaving now. Rocco's not getting over the pink thing.

Murphy: Hey, we're all in this huge, pink, fluffy porn room. You don't think maybe…

Connor: HOLYSHITABSOLUTELYNOT!

_There is a blind dude wandering around the bathroom. Boss Yakavetta enters and starts talking to him._

Boss Yakavetta: H'okay, so, here's how it goes; Rocco's killing us and we want to kill him cause he knows everything and can kill everyone. Can you get me **Il Duce**?

Blind Dude: You sure you want him, kid?

_Scene cut to a random Maximum Security Prison at a conveniently undisclosed location. Here we see a very hairy Sean Connery look alike ((Il Duce, kids)) who is chained to more chains chained to a platform with wheels and is pulled through more chained rooms. Holy crap, think this guy is into chains?_

Blind Dude's Voice: He's a fuckin' monster. 

The Audience: And he needs a fuckin' haircut.

_Connor, Murphy and Rocco all sit in a coffee shop. This is so masculine._

Rocco: I know of another guy we can knock off.

Connor and Murphy: ((Intellectually sip their coffee)) Who?

Rocco: There was this one guy I had to drive around for a job. He was effing psycho. I knew if I didn't keep it together, it was my ass. He… he…

Connor: …Did he rape you, Rocco?

Rocco: NO!

Murphy: B.S.

Rocco: …((Turns bright red))

Connor: Okay. We'll do this guy. It'll make you feel a lot better.

_It is the next day. Smecker is kneeling on the ground at a hot crime scene. It is OBVIOUS something big just went down. Forensics guys are crawling around everywhere. The CSI Theme plays in the background ((sort of)). In an amazing trick of writing, Smecker will be on screen as he explains what the Saints did as they do it. It is pretty sweet._

Smecker: The three waited in a parked car down the road.

Murphy: Let go of my silencer, Conner!

Conner: Oh, that's your **silencer**?

Smecker: They get out of the car and go into the house. They make the wife open the password-protected, bulletproof shed in the backyard. They all enter and shoot the shit out of everything. There are, like, nine guys. It's pretty sweet.

Everyone being shot at: ((Deer in the headlights))

Connor: Okay, now they're all dead. Where's your guy, Rocco?

Rocco: I don't fuckin' know! Ah, there he is in the bathroom! I kill you with a cue ball from the pool table, hahaa!

Murphy: How original. We shouldn't have bought you a gun.

Smecker: They exit through the front door. They had no idea what was coming!

The Audience: What? What was coming? 

Smecker: It was an ambush!

Everyone In The Audience: NO!

Smecker: For a few seconds, this place was Armageddon!

_Connor and Murphy and Rocco are staring at hairy Sean Connery look alike ((Il Duce, kids)). They draw their guns. Il Duce pulls back his coat to reveal a vest of six guns, and we are all very impressed._

Smecker: THERE WAS A FIREFIGHT!

The Audience: There was a what?

Smecker: THERE WAS A FIREFIGHT!

The Audience: …H'okay then.

The Mormon Tabernacle Choir: ((Sings a very martyr-ish song as Il Duce shoots at the three guys and as the three guys shoot back. It is intense.))

Il Duce: ((Runs away))

Murphy: Coward. Ow, I'm hit.

Connor: Ow, so am I. Let's all get steamy back at Rocco's, aye?

Smecker: So wait, they covered their blood with ammonia? What the fuck, who the fuck, why the fuck, what the fucking fuck did those fuckers… FUCK! ((Has a spasm in the bushes, and finds a finger.))

The Japanese Audience: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA.

The American Audience: …EW!

_There is a montage of everyone sealing everyone else's wounds with a hot iron. This is not the NC-17 version. Meanwhile, back at the lab, Smecker fingerprints the finger he found on the ground and its kinda nasty. A picture of Rocco looking kind of like Jesus meets Sirius Black from Harry Potter shows up on the monitor and Smecker pieces it all together. He may be gay, but he's sharp. _

_We're now in a church. Things seem to be dragging at this point, but we have to make plot points now. It can't all be bang-bang, as sweet as that might be. Connor and Murphy go in to pray. Rocco watches from across the street as Smecker stumbles, drunk, out of an underground gay bar and into the church. Cause that's normal. He follows_.

Smecker: ((Is snoring quite loudly in the confessional)).

The Priest: ((Goes into confessional, but it held at gunpoint by Rocco.)) Wtf?

Rocco: Okay, you're going to do what I say, got it?

The Priest: Maybe you're confusing me with a gas station attendant. All I got is this cross and these robes and these little boys-

Connor: ((Rips his hand into the confessional from behind Rocco)) Wtf? Let the Priest go, come on now.

Smecker: ((Wakes up)) Hola, Priest!

The Priest: ((Looks constipated)) Okay, what's up?

Smecker: So here's the deal; I'm supposed to lock up people who kill people, but there are these three guys running around killing people who kill people, and while that could be wrong I feel that it's totally fine. Am I justified?

The Priest: ((Still looks constipated)) Whatever, I'm with you. ((Mumbles)) getthisgunawayfrommyheadplease.

Smecker: So its okay to let these guys kill people.

The Priest: ((Looking more constipated than ever)) Yes, yes, it's cool, God's down with it. Get out of the church.

Smecker: Thanks, dude. ((Leaves.))

Connor: ((Lets go of Rocco)) You effing retard.

Rocco: ((Lets go of Priest)) Uh… sorry?

_Scene cut! Connor is on a pay phone with Smecker_.

Connor: It was one guy with six guns, and he looked like a hairy Sean Connery.

Smecker: Right, okay. What are you going to do now?

Connor: Eh. Pay a house call to Boss Yakavetta and take him out.

Smecker: Even though you should totally be arrested for killing at least twenty-one people, I'm going to let you roll with this.

_Smecker is now having a conversation with Blind Dude._

Blind Dude: No one knows where Il Duce is cause he's the MAN, you know? Yakavetta really wants to kill Rocco, and he's scared, so he has all his men up at his house.

Smecker: Oh shit; Connor and Murphy and Rocco are all going to his house. I have a feeling this isn't going to be a wonderful slumber party.

_Connor, Murphy and Rocco are all handcuffed to chairs and are getting the mother-loving crap beat out of them. We're all sad, because they might need reconstructive facial surgery, and would they be as hot? Yakavetta Boss walks in and shoots Rocco, and Connor and Murphy scream, and we're all kind of sad, but we all feel this looming air of, 'maybe they all slept together?' Hey, it's possible._  
_  
_Yakavetta: ((Addresses his minions)) H'okay. Il Duce is still out there somewhere, and I bet he's coming here looking for Rocco. So I'm going to split and you guys deal with it, mkay?

_After he leaves, a very hideous looking woman knocks on the door and some poor schmuck has to answer. She turns around and suddenly-_

The Audience: HOLY SHIT ITS WILLEM DAFOE IN DRAG!

The Poor Schmuck: You don't want to come in here, babe.

Smecker: ((Feminine voice)) Your boss sent me over as entertainment.

The Audience: I DON'T THINK I'M COOL WITH THIS, WHATTHEFUCK IS HE DOING IN DRAG?

The Poor Schmuck: Uhh… Uhh…

Smecker: ((Puts a very manly hand to The Poor Schmuck's face))

The Audience: OH NO! **OH NO!**

Smecker: ((Kisses The Poor Schmuck.))

The Audience: NOOOOOOO!1111oneone ((Passes out))

The Poor Schmuck: Okay, come inside and I'll totally sex you up.

The Audience: ((Is still passed out))

Smecker: Oh baby, come to mama. ((Tries to seduce The Poor Schmuck.))

The Audience: Did Willem Dafoe have a gun to his head when he signed for this role?

Smecker: ((Kills The Poor Schmuck))

The Audience: …I still can't fucking believe he's in drag.

Smecker: ((Walks around killing people))

Il Duce: ((Knocks out Smecker))

Connor and Murphy: ((Place coins over Rocco's eyes and kneel in front of him, starting to pray.))

Il Duce: Check it, I'm very sneaky. Watch me sneak around this corner.

Connor and Murphy: And Shepherds we shall be, for thee, my Lord, for thee… ((They hear a gun uncock itself and they quickly turn around, guns raised.))

Il Duce: ((Puts away his guns.)) Power hath descended forth from thy hand…

Connor: Dude, you know our prayer.

Murphy: That's a family prayer. We wouldn't even teach Rocco.

The Audience: ……….Wait a second.

Il Duce: ((Holds Connor's and Murphy's faces in his hands.))

The Audience: GASP! IT'S THEIR DAD! Whoa. The irony.

_Three months later. ((We know it's three months later because four entire seconds are devoted to a black screen declaring "Three months later". Whatever.)) Yakavetta Boss is on trial ((at last)), and we see Smecker ((the imprint of him in drag still scarring the audience horribly)) helping Il Duce, Connor and Murphy into the courthouse. They walk up stairs and bound into the room, guns drawn._

Murphy: Okay cop dudes, give me your guns.

Cop Dudes: Aw, damn.

Il Duce: H'okay everybody! This is my biggest speaking part in this whole movie! I may sound a bit Scottish, but these are my legitimate Irish kids, honest!

Smecker: ((Watches through a crack in the door))

Connor: Look kids! A monologue!

Murphy: Its wrong to kill people! And to prove this, we're going to kill this guy here!

Connor: We're totally justified in this too! God sent us, he did.

Smecker: I think we're pushing the vigilantisms a bit too much here, guys.

Connor, Murphy and Il Duce: ((Say the badass prayer, and each put a cap in the back of Yakavetta's head.))

Smecker: ((Flinch))

_Later, at the Hall of Justice- I mean, a random hotel room where Connor, Murphy and Il Duce are just chilling…_

Connor: ((Worried expression)) How far are we going to take this, Dad?

Il Duce: Well, **I'm** not going to stop until I come in yo- OH! You mean about the guns thing. As far as is needed, kiddo. ((Wink wink)).

The End Credits: This is Troy Duffy ((writer/director)) going around to random people he knows asking them to say random shit making it seeeeeeem like its really a newscast asking Bostontonians about the Saints' state of affairs. Its totally left open for a Boondock Saints Part Two, and that would be badass.

THE END.


End file.
